I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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