she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
