All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
