man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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