yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
