Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think I won the penis lottery.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
