Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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