Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
