remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
