He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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