laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
