dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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