Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
