Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
this will be a night to untag.
Even my vagina gasped.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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