just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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