Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
