just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
