Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
