i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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