Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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