How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
