i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
