i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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