the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
