you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize