anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize