id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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