im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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