I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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