So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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