none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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