I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
this just has baby written all over it
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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