Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
