so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
the gays at disneyland are vicious
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
