I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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