I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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