If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize