And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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