Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize