Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
