In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
