this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
