This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
