I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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