I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
