WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
