PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
