is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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