Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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