'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
