Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
