i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so let's talk penis.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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