get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
