You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize