i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He shit in the fireplace
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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