I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
