I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
