she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize