Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize