So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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