I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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