I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
