so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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