Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
