The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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