Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
