Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize