why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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