Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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