Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
im about as happy as oj after his trial
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
