I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
