In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
