Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
