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JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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