A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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