Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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