I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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