You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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