trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
