The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize