she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm at about main and main street
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize