the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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