He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
