i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
