you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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