I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
