Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
