If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
