I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
