Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
