She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Still dying that you shit outside
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Randomize
