Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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